all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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