I just saw a hot homeless man
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Randomize
