just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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