she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
