This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
That accounts for only three of the penises
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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