honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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