Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
