at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
