chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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