It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
