nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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