He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
