Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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