Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
