y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
