I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
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