Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
