I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
im calling her cock vulture from now on
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
