..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Is her dick bigger than yours?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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