my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize