she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
