I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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