How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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