actually, I'm a sock model
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
