smell my finger.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
