I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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