i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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