What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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