i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
