If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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