the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize