so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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