what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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