I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
