frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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