I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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