I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize