He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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