Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i wish my penis had a tongue
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
