I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
