i think my tv is drunk
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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