I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize