Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
