he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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