What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
