I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
i drank out of a bidet.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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