i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
