PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
