Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
