she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
