The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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