I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
