Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
