he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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