The best revenge is premature balding
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
You were trust falling into bushes
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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