i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
