Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I got inside last night via doggy door
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
