Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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