I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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