Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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