I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
