i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
