Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
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