I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
