Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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