her vagine was all disorganized.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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