I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
