You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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