I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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