You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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