I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Randomize
