I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
