Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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